just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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