I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
