summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
