new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
