dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
