fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
