You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize