HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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