I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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