Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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