Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
