oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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