fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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