It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
