Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
