Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
