I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Randomize
