He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
