im so drunk with asians
where?
always
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
