Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
