singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
