Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
