She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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