Jerry, you need to find god
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
