I don't usually arrange sex via text message
True but thats because hes a fetus.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
