her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
