Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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