i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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