Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
