well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
