ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
