Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Michael Bay diarrhea
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
