A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
