Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
