The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize