His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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