i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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