I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
