I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
