i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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