Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
