Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
