big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just want to make out with him forever
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
