Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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