I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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