I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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