I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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