well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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