Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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