How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
you inspire me to be a worse person
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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