People in love make me want to vomit
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Randomize
