I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Two words: blizzard sex
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
