If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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