so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
