hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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