just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
