that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
