shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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