Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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