Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
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