mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
