we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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