I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
