omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
