omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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