The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
