just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Porn is love you can see.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
