Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
