Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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